Say Cheesus, what happened to your arms?

I love photography. I suck at it, but I love looking at other people’s work who don’t. I appreciate the skill that goes into a great shot. The composition, the lighting, the artistry. I can also appreciate that sometimes things can go awry – very, very awry. Like say, dear God, where the hell are her arms wrong. I mean, look what they did to poor Julianne Moore. Last time I checked she wasn’t appearing in a movie about a double amputee who walks around in hooker heels. Though, come to think of it, that movie has Oscar written all over it.

Liv TylerJesus, this missing arm thing is contagious.

Kate WinsletThey got Kate, too. No one is safe. Run! Run!

Natalie Portman
Don’t you just hate it when you get a piece of your delicious vegan, fair-trade, sustainably-farmed lunch caught way back in your molars?

Summer GlauSummer, on the other hand, looks like she is digging for a big, juicy piece of steak.

Marion Cotillard

This is the classic, I have to pee but have no idea where the restrooms are pose.

Rachel Weisz

Well, I guess that’s one way to solve the no restroom problem.

Marg HelgenbergerApproach with extreme caution, a feral animal is foaming at the mouth in the corner.

Keri RussellWhile she has all her limbs, nothing in her teeth and appears to have used the restroom before departure, this photo is still WRONG IN EVERY WAY.

Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, thank God, TV is back. Look, I like the summer cable shows as much as the next gal. But there comes a point when you want your main squeezes back. And this is that point. “Glee” is already back, Thursday sees the return of “Bones” and “Fringe” and the rest of the shows start back up soon. Gosh, I just feel like hugging all of my faithful female favorites with my legs in friendship. And if they’re wearing a tank top while it happens, well, even better.

Michaela ConlinBones premieres Sept. 17

Jennifer MorrisonHouse premieres Sept. 21

Cote de PabloNCIS premieres Sept. 22

Mariska HargitayLaw & Order: SVU premieres Sept. 23

Sandra OhGrey’s Anatomy premieres Sept. 24

Marg HelgenbergerCSI premiere Sept. 24

Summer GlauDollhouse premieres Sept. 25

Yvonne StrahovskiChuck premieres March 2010

Bonus: Dude, it’s really hard to find a picture of Anna Torv in a tank top. But here is one of her pantless; hope that makes up for it.

Tank Top Tuesday

Coming off a long, lazy three-day weekend, I have to admit that I’m just not ready for the formality of business attire. So, I’m not gonna even try. Instead, let’s revel in the casual charm of the tank top. I mean, look at Keira Knightley. Does she look even remotely interested in going into the office? Whether working out, working hard or hardly working, it’s simply the best way to ease into any work week – abbreviated or not. Thanks, ladies, for reminding us that the tank top is always the preferred attire when…

…running errands, like Hilary Swank.Of course, she is taking that “running” part a little too literally. Overachiever.

…walking the dogs, like Olivia Wilde.Never before have I meant it more sincerely when I’ve said, “Lucky dogs!”

…walking a dog and a baby, like Jessical Biel.Sheesh, another overachiever.

…checking your cell, like Evangeline Lilly.If only it had GPS, this whole “Lost” thing could have been over a whole lot quicker.

…rubbing in your ability to sunbath to your undead boyfriend, like Anna Paquin.Does anyone else have to fight the urge to scream “SOOKEH!” whenever you see her?

…considering just how hot it will be to co-star with Eliza Dushku, like Summer Glau.Joss Whedon is a total babe magnet.

…relaxing before killing Bill, like Uma Thurman & Zoe Bell.Behold the beauty of always having a spare.

…arm wrestling, like Rose McGowan & Rosario Dawson.Clearly they’re wrestling to see who has to take a shower first. I call it a draw and say they shower together. Compromise is truly a beautiful thing.

Ready...aim...

Bang. Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just the best way I knew how to greet Monday. Now, before we begin, I’d like to note that I in no way condone violence. I don’t own guns. I’ve never shot a gun. And I’m all for gun control. Suck it, NRA. Having said that, there is also something unspeakably sexy about a woman with a gun – like our gal Mariska. We’re going to ignore old Sigmund and all his talk of willy envy. Balderdash. This is just about power, and power has nothing inherently to do with willies. So there. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a gal with steely determination and killer aim – especially when she is not pointed at me. Happiness is a warm gun, being held by a hot lady.

Elizabeth MitchellAnna TorvYvonne StrahovskiSarah ShahiKeira KnightleySummer GlauLena HeadeyEva MendesPam GrierJodie Foster

Tank Top Tuesday

Pouring a little out for our canceled home girls today. As thrilled as I am with the networks’ decisions to renew some of my most beloved shows, I sing a mournful little song for the ones who didn’t make it. “Pushing Daisies,” “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles,” “Life,” “Samantha Who?” All these shows featured great female leads and their absence makes the TV landscape a little (well, a lot) less interesting. By comparison, Brad Garrett’s seriously unfunny supposed comedy “’Til Death” just got renewed for a fourth (yes, FOURTH) season. Oh, and it’s going to be the Friday-night lead-in for “Dollhouse.” Screw pouring out the liquor; I think I need to drink it instead. A lot of it. Oh well, maybe our dearly departing ladies in tank tops will soothe my pain.

[Click any and all to enlarge]

Summer GlauSarah ShahiKristin ChenowethAnna FrielChristina ApplegateLena Headey

p.s. TV gods, give these women new shows, pronto.

State of grace

Mondays often lack a certain grace. You're cranky. You're stressed. You're harboring lingering resentments from the weekend. (cough, Amazon fail, cough, gay glitch, cough) Quite frankly, you'd rather be sleeping. So what better way to ease into another work week than with a moment of grace? No, not the kind of grace that goes “rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub” or any of its more eloquent variants. This is grace in the form of Summer Glau as shot by Tyler Shields and accompanied by the music of Cat Power. Fuck that plastic bag from “American Beauty,” this may be one of the most beautiful things ever filmed. And it's a reminder that no matter what life throws at you, you can always stop to appreciate a simple act of grace.

[See it in hi-res by clicking HQ here, it's well worth the click]

Getting to appreciate Summer and all her bendy goodness, well, that's just a bonus.

Wait, did I mention Summer was classically trained as a ballerina until an injury forced her from the profession?

Seriously, if you can even look graceful while all shot to hell, then that's almost unfair.

Even though I've only watched “Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles” on-and-off this past season, I hope against hope that last Friday's finale isn't the final one. Grace like Summer need to be on my TV. And, of course, that goes for Lena, too. Now, if I could find a picture of her in a leotard doing the splits, then this would officially qualify as the best Monday ever.